MUSCLEMANIA XIII REPORT

The show started off with a beautiful rendition of God Save The Queen by the very talented Joss Stone.  (Incidentally rumour has it that some of the IWF top brass were keen on hot star of the moment Katie Melua doing the honours until someone pointed out that she wasn’t actually British!!!).  We then kicked straight into a brilliant video package; as well as building up the matches on the card (well the big ones anyway) it also pulled off the (now) usual trick of hyping MuscleMania as the biggest wrestling card on Earth.  This was classy stuff indeed.
Randy Orton Vs Sean O’Haire ( * * * ¼ )
                And so onto the opener, and this was a hotly anticipated match, with issues stretching back to last year’s Man Of Steel tournament (where these two had three hotly contested matches) which were all wonderfully encapsulated by a neat little video package.
                This was a high powered opener with good performances from both men.  O’Haire looked like wrapping it up with the Seanton Bomb, but Orton moved out of the way and then hit the RKO for the victory. 
                As we went backstage, roving reporter Jenni B had Dash Riprock and Steve Corino with her and she asked them the usual generic questions about their upcoming title defence.  It got altogether a lot more interesting however when the Commissioners stopped and realised that a bunch of people had stopped to watch.  What made it interesting was that the people in question were PWF performers Jeff Jarrett, Hugh Morrus and The APA (Bradshaw & Ron Simmons).  Dash asked them what the hell they were doing here and Jarrett replied that the four of them had taken severance deals on their PWF contracts and had all inked IWF deals.  Morrus added that they weren’t here to cause trouble but were just taking a look around their new work place.  And with that, the PWF guys walked off.  
The Positive Role Models Vs Alias Storm & Haas ( * * ½ )
                Match two, and title match number two.  Our intrepid commissioners have never been the greatest of in-ring talent, but they can certainly entertain a crowd.  Storm & Haas too seem to have found a nice little niche and this was a well received match, even if from a “wrestling” point of view it wasn’t all that great. 
                At the onset of the match Steve Corino & Dash Riprock seemed more interested in Gillian, the delectable manager of their opponents, and what she wasn’t wearing rather than the actual match but as they got attacked by their heelish opponents they soon had to get into the thick of things.
                This was an old style tag team encounter as the challengers cut the ring in half and stomped the crap out of Corino (who was selling for England) all whilst Dash looked on helplessly.  Dash got the crowd clapping but every time it looked like Corino would manage to make the tag, Haas & Storm recovered and stopped him from doing so. 
                Eventually however, Corino finally managed to make the hot tag to Riprock and good old Dash proceeded to clean house, battering both of the challengers.  But it was to be all to no avail.  Gillian hopped into the ring and distracted Riprock by doing a provocative dance in front of him.  And Dash was loving it so much  that he failed to see Charles Haas sneaking up behind him with a steel chair (as the referee was attending to a ringside scuffle between Corino & Storm), and the subsequent three count was little more than a formality and we had new European Tag Team Champions.
Mark Jindrak Vs Chris Benoit Vs Phil Jackson Vs Billy Kidman ( * * )
                So this match made it three for three in the title stakes, although it had little of the anticipation of the two matches that preceded it.  Which isn’t all that surprising considering that this had a “thrown together” feel about it and that Benoit looked to have all the motivation of Rick Waller on a diet.  The opening exchanges were swift but then, even though we were fighting under elimination rules, we got the usual pinfall attempt/break up scenario that quickly becomes all too repetitive and boring.
                Kidman was the first to go, to precious little fanfare, when Jindrak polished him off with the Hot Shot.  Still it wasn’t to be the champion’s night as he was sent packing shortly after by Benoit, which guaranteed us a new UK Champion.  Benoit took control of the match and really did a number on The Graduate, but try as he might he could not lay his shoulders down to the mat for the three count.  The fans really got behind Jackson at this point and they were really willing him on.  Which made for a sweet moment when he escaped from Benoit’s Crippler Crossface and reversed it into one of his own to which, after a brief struggle, Benoit tapped out and the crowd went wild for their new United Kingdom champion Phil “The Graduate” Jackson.
Chris Jericho Vs Eddy Guerrero ( * * * ¾ )
                One of the more hastily put together matches on the card (thanks to Dean Roberts getting shot at Madison Square Gardens six weeks ago) there was still a sense of excitement as these two made their way to the ring.  Indeed the fans seemed to expect something quite special and these two almost delivered; in the end we merely (?) had to settle for a very good bout, fought at an absolutely break neck speed. 
                What made this bout stand out was the sheer good time that both men seemed to be having.  Although they tossed in some brutal and hard hitting stuff they also gave themselves plenty of time to work the crowd, and wind up each other, and this went down a treat with the fans. 
                Guerrero controlled the early going, but Jericho soon got to work and slowly wore down his opponent.  Guerrero was never out of it though and he kept trading blows and eventually got right back into the thick of things and once he had knocked Jericho down with a wicked kick, the fans went wild as he climbed to the top rope and looked set to hit the Five Star Frog Splash.  However, quick as a flash, Jericho nipped up and quickly clambered the ropes and hit Latino Heat with a bruising super-plex.  He then hit the Lion-Sault to get the surprisingly popular 1-2-3.  After the match Jericho helped up his vanquished opponent and the two shook hands to a rousing reception.  Great stuff. 
Scott Hall Vs Xavier ( * * * )
                Say what you like about Scott Hall, but there is no doubt that the IWF booking squad came up with a masterful storyline arch to set up this encounter between the X-Rated leader Xavier and his former underling. 
                Despite an early flurry of offence, Hall took an absolute battering here from the unapologetic and uncompromising Xavier, who was certainly living up to his pre-match assertion that the fun-loving “work rate sucks” days were behind him for good. 
                Periodic flurries by Hall kept the fans in the match and had them willing him to pull out one last almighty effort but it didn’t seem as if Xavier was about to let this one go.  However, from out of nowhere Hall summoned up one last burst of breath, to take Xavier off his feet with a brutal clothesline and then signal for the Razor’s Edge.  To the surprise of everyone, he hit it sweetly and it seemed as if Xavier had been defeated.  However at the last milli-second, Xav kicked out of the subsequent pinfall attempt and the crowd were devastated.  Undeterred, Hall went for a second Razor’s Edge but this one was blocked by Xavier, who then hit a Xav-Attack of his own for the spotless pinfall victory.  As Hall lay flat out on the floor, Xav took a can of beer and poured it down the loser’s throat before walking out.  When Hall recovered he got a nice reaction from the crowd as he walked off, and out of the IWF forever by the looks of it.  A better send-off, if that’s the case, than he perhaps had any right to expect.
Brian Kendrick Vs Simon Starshot (Ladder, * * * * * )
                Six months after Simon Starshot “walked out” on the IWF, after a loss to Brian Kendrick during the qualifying stages of the Man Of Steel tournament, he finally was getting the chance to get his own back in this “unification” match for the Undisputed Cruiserweight championship.  It was quite a sight to see the two title belts hanging high above the ring and there was a real sense that these two were going to put on one hell of a show, and that they did. 
                There was a slow paced opening segment, with a lot of aborted challenges as the two sniffed around, looking for an opening, but some quick witted thinking by Starshot took Kendrick off balance and allowed him to really start to take control of the match.  What made this match all the more thrilling was that the two steered well clear of the ladder for a good eight or nine minutes of this near 20 minute bruiser, which meant that the non-ladder portion of the match was allowed enough time to sufficiently whet the appetite of the fans for the carnage to come.
                It was the champion Kendrick who finally brought the ladder into play, and from that moment on both of the participants but their bodies on the line with some insane stunt wrestling that had to be seen to be believed.  The picks were Starshot’s dropkick from one ladder to knock Kendrick off the other, and Kendrick managing to leap off a ladder set in the corner of the ring to hit a flying slam on Starshot who was just about to grab the belts. 
                The final segment was one of the hottest of the entire card as the two battered each other with the ladders in final attempts to grasp control of the battle.  It seemed over as Starshot clambered up the now rickety ladder and he was only inches away from grabbing the belts, but Kendrick was climbing another ladder that he had set up and he was only inches away himself.  Kendrick then hit Starshot with a super kick, knocking Starshot to the ground and then he steadied himself and grabbed the belts for the victory.  The fans gave both men a well deserved standing ovation as they lay on the mat, absolutely shattered.  Superb stuff. 
DDP, Raven & Knoble Vs Acid, Drake & Mathuras ( * ¾ )
                Perhaps sensing that the fans would need to catch their breath after that last match, the bookers threw on this six man next.  It was never going to be a classic, and it certainly wasn’t, but this was enjoyable enough given it’s six minute duration.  None of the men had a serious chance to shine given the circumstances (and the abysmal Mathuras couldn’t shine if he lived on the sun) although there were some pleasing segments between Acid & Knoble that livened things up.  As you might expect, a pier six brawl kicked in, and within the melee, Acid accidentally hit his own partner Mathuras, and this gave Diamond Dallas Page the opportunity to nip in with a Diamond Drive for the 1-2-3. 
                It was at this point that we got a special added bonus!  Yes folks that’s right, we were going to be treated to a special “MuscleMania” rap; and who would be bringing us this treat?  None other than one of the most obnoxious and talentless tossers the IWF could find, Richard Blackwood.  Still you have to give the man credit for going out there and doing it because it was absolutely abysmal.  But it turned out that that was precisely the point because round about 30 seconds in, a very familiar piece of music kicked in and the crowd went absolutely “banana” for the IWF debut of PWF star John Cena!!!   Cena milked the applause and then hit straight into a rap of his own, dissing Blackwood (who must have needed the money bad to accept this gig) and insulting a few IWF stars as well, all of which went down a treat with the fans.  Blackwood went to retaliate but Cena cut him off again and then kicked him in the gut and hit him with an F-U and the poor guy was stretchered out.  Cena celebrated once more and then walked off backstage.  When he got backstage however, Rhino was waiting to make his entrance for his match and the two had a verbal argument, which would have become physical if a swarm of officials hadn’t hurried around and broke it up. 
Shawn Michaels Vs Rhino ( * * * ¾ )
                Up next was this intriguing battle of contrasting styles.  This was yet another of the bouts that had been set up superbly and there was a real sense that the fans were baying for Rhino’s blood.  Michaels seemed his usual cocky self and the opening moments of the match seemed to suggest that he was well-placed to be so as he took the fight to the Man-Beast and sent his opponent sprawling; however Rhino bounced straight back and unleashed a flurry of his own brutal punches.  He then signalled for the Gore, but when he went to hit it, Michaels scarpered out of the way.  Still HBK was alert and he immediately looked to hit back with his super-kick, but Rhino saw it coming and hopped out of the ring.
                From there the battle hardly stopped between the two, and credit must go to the Show-stopper, who showed every wrestler watching how to go about timing a match to perfection.  Every bump the two took, every punch they threw, and even every rest hold they put on all seemed relevant and the crowd were well into the quick exchanges of near-falls that peppered the last third of the match.
                It really did look like anyone’s game as the two battled with every last breath they had in them.  Some stiff offence from Rhino looked like it had gained him the advantage, but the next minute, Shawn fought back using his superior quickness and ring smarts to turn the tide his way.  The final moments of the bout were superb as the two teetered on the precipice of victory and defeat.  Shawn took Rhino down with a side-suplex and called for some “Sweet Chin Music”  and it looked to all the world as if he would hit it.  As Rhino slowly stumbled to his feet, the crowd thought he was done for but it turned out that Rhino was playing possum.  As Shawn went for the kick, Rhino ducked it and then from out of nowhere turned around and hit a heavy-duty Gore.  The crowd went wild as Michaels kicked out of the subsequent pinfall attempt but it only prolonged the inevitable as Rhino hit another Gore and this time got the (mildly surprising) pinfall victory.   A great bout and, dare we say it, the right result.  Rhino impressed the crowd and Michaels received a nice round of applause for his efforts also. 
Lisa Marie Veron Vs Annalise Anderson ( * * * * )
                So six years after Matthew Mercy and Dean Roberts tore the house down at MuscleMania VII we had a match that pitted Mercy’s on-screen girlfriend against Dean’s on-screen wife.  It may not have been the most innovative concept that the booking squad had ever come up with, but the reactions from the fans as the two made their way out proved that this feud has re-ignited interest in the women’s division. 
                The two flew out of the starting blocks, throwing everything at each other, before Lisa Marie slowly took control of the bout.  Annalise really took a kicking here as Veron unveiled all the tasty and brutal moves within her arsenal.  The crowd were well into the bout as they willed their favourite Annalise on but try as she might to get back into the match, every time she looked like gaining an advantage, Veron was quick to regain control of the match.
                However, Veron got too cocky and when she went to the top rope for a big elbow drop, Annalise managed to move out of the way and Veron hit nothing but mat.  Annalise then started attacking her opponent and was really on a role. 
                The ending segment of the match was the highlight of the bout.  From out of nowhere Veron attempted to finish it off with the Widow's Peak, but Annalise powered out of it and attempted to finish the bout off with her finishing move the AA.  However Veron blocked that too.  Veron then hit a Mercy Bomb, but Annalise kicked out of the subsequent pinfall attempt and subsequently hit back with her version of the Scholarship, which Veron kicked out of too.  However Veron couldn't kick out of a second Scholarship, and the referee counted the pinfall that made Annalise Roberts the new Women's Champion. 
Stone Cold Steve Austin Vs Matt Morgan ( * * * )
                There’s been no doubt that Matt Morgan had been on quite a roll since his debut in January, but there was also no doubt that tonight was going to be his biggest challenge yet.  The crowd booed him to buggery as he made his way to the ring, and conversely they popped huge when Austin stormed out and immediately took the fight straight to his mammoth opponent. 
                This was never more than your usual Stone Cold brawl, but it was down with such energy and vigour that the pace of the match never dragged and there was always something exciting going on and the crowd really seemed to enjoy it all too.  The two traded heavy duty blows around the ring, and then the referee took a tumble thanks to a mis-timed shot from the Blueprint, which meant that the two competitors carried on their brawl at ringside, and into the crowd.
                There was a nice spot when Morgan once again went to powerbomb Austin through one of the ringside announcing tables, but Austin blocked it and then reversed it into a flip which sent Morgan crashing through the other table at ringside. 
                As the referee finally awoke, the two got back into the ring and Morgan recovered sufficiently to attempt another powerbomb in the ring, but even though he hit it, Austin kicked out of the pinfall attempt.  He then did the old kick to the gut/Stone Cold Stunner combination to wrap up the entertaining match, and quite possibly his full-time wrestling career, 1-2-3.  Very entertaining stuff.
Matt Hardy & Jay Reso Vs Edge & Rob Van Dam ( * * ¾ )
                Time for World Tag Team title action next in what was, on paper, a very enticing prospect indeed.  However in practise it didn’t quite work out, mainly due to the anaemic time it was allocated on the card.  All this got was a paltry eight minutes that meant that whilst it was good whilst it lasted, once it was over you were left unfulfilled. 
                They tried they really did, and what they did wasn’t at all bad, but you just got the feeling that on a night of big matches, this wasn’t really going to cut the mustard, which must cause concern for the four men concerned.  Still this was reasonable enough when considered on its own merits.  Reso looked impressive and he had some exciting face off’s with his former partner Edge (for those with long memories anyway). 
                And we did get another clean finish as Edge hit the Edgecution on Matt Hardy which was then following up by Rob Van Dam’s Rolling Thunder for the match winning, and title grabbing, pinfall victory.  The new champs celebrated, the defeated champions swore revenge. 
Matthew Mercy Vs The Big Gee ( * * * ¼ )
                Who would have thought that the IWF could make Mercy Vs Gee in 2004 a must see match?  Well kudos to the boys again because some wonderful angles leading up to this encounter meant that once again the crowd were bursting with anticipation for this one. 
                This was nothing we haven’t already seen from either guy in terms of action, but there did seem to be an air of genuine menace between the two that turned the heat up a notch and made for a cracking “big man” spectacle.  There was no time for fancy holds here, this was violence cranked up to 11 all the way.  Mercy controlled the early going, but Gee hung on in there and slowly forced his way back into the match with some high-impact offence of his own. 
                This match got even more violent once the referee took a bump, although this one was no accident as Gee, tired of his decision making process, punched him out of the ring.  The fists were flying and the two really were going at it, and Gee introduced a Steel Chair into the proceedings although Mercy quickly retaliated with one of his own.  At the ref slowly stirred the two continued to batter each other in frenzied attacks, but as the referee awoke, Gee tossed his chair to the mat and the ref saw Mercy and went to take his chair off him.  As the ref took it, and turned his back on the competitors to hand it to the time-keeper at ringside, Gee picked up the chair he’d dropped and smashed Mercy straight in the noggin with it.  He then made the cover and the referee got back into the ring and counted the three count that absolutely no-one saw coming.  The crowd were furious, but it changed nothing…The Big Gee had just won perhaps the biggest victory of his career.  This was brutal stuff, but it sure was enjoyable.  Thumbs up to both men. 
Kurt Angle Vs Chris Kanyon ( * * * * ½ )
                No matter what had gone on in the previous twelve matches, the reactions of the crowd as these two combatants made their way to the ring proved one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt…this was the match that everyone had come to see!
                Kurt Angle came out to the loudest chorus of boo’s this writer has ever heard at a wrestling event, but the crowd managed to turn it up a notch again for Kanyon’s entrance.  Seriously, this was almost at Dean/Mercy levels from MM VII.  The two milked the appreciation at the start of the bout, before slowly locking up.  Kanyon won the test of strength but Angle soon hit back with some punches of his own and the battle was on.
                Angle seemed determined to out wrestle his opponent, but much to his surprise, Kanyon seemed willing, and more than able, to attempt to match him hold for hold.  By the second time Kanyon had reversed one of Angle’s holds, Kurt was furious and immediately dropped his technical facade to turn to simply trying to kick Kanyon’s ass.  This did him little better as Kanyon unveiled some of his tasty manoeuvres to fully take control of the match, at least until Angle hit a low blow to take the wind out of Kanyon and gain prolonged control of the match for the first time. 
                Angle revelled in taunting the fans as he pummelled Kanyon and slowly wore him down, but the fans just took this as a cue to cheer Kanyon harder than ever and attempt to will him back into the match.  And their trick seemed to work as Kanyon slowly managed to make his way to his feet (at one point looking almost like Hulk Hogan!) and finally break free of Angle’s hold.  However a brief flurry of offence was all he could manage before Angle, quick as a flash, locked on his feared Ankle-Lock.  Kanyon struggled and struggled but it seemed like he was done for but somehow he reached the ropes, and refused to let Angle drag him back into the middle of the ring.  Angle broke the hold and then sized up his opponent for the Angle-Slam. 
                Angle hit it and it looked for all the world to see like Kanyon was done for, but much to Kurt’s anger he kicked out at 2 and ¾, which really got the crowd going good and proper.  Angle laid in some stiff boots and then went for the Angle-Slam again, but this time, Kanyon wriggled out of it and hit a swinging DDT of his own for a near fall.  He then built up his momentum and finally hit his opponent with the Kanyon Kutter and registered the 1-2-3 which won him the match, the Triple Crown title and was the cue for the crowd to nearly blow the roof off.  He celebrated in the ring, with the fans showering their adulation as the show faded to black.  An absolutely superb main event. 
 
So the biggest card of the year has been and gone for another year, but what a superb night of action it was.  Going into the card there was a sense of great anticipation as to what might occur, and this card lived up to the billing in almost every sense.  Sure, not everything was classic, but enough of the card was to ensure that this might very well be the best IWF pay-per-view of all time. 
Highlights of the under-card were the hugely entertaining Jericho/Guerrero affair, the cracking women’s title match (which may well be the greatest one-on-one match ever seen by the IWF ladies) and the genuine 5 star ladder match for the Cruiserweight title. 
The big matches also delivered in spades.  Austin/Morgan may have been the “typical” Stone Cold style match but it was executed brilliantly, Michaels and Rhino proved those doomsayers who said they were incompatible completely wrong and Mercy/Gee was an unbelievably brutal encounter, with perhaps the most shocking ending of the night.
Still when all was said and done, it was the main event that everyone had come to see and Chris Kanyon and Kurt Angle delivered everything you could ask for in a MuscleMania main event.  It was truly a superb ending to a superb card, and the fact that it wasn’t overshadowed by the sheer multitude of stellar combat underneath tells you just how good it was.  This truly was one of, if not THE, best nights in IWF history.   Thumbs up all round!!!!!!